.prayin'.that.you.{{gwen}}.wouldn't.go.

[TRISTAN BLACKSTONE]

i should have kissed you...

[atrb=style, background-image: url(http://i300.photobucket.com/albums/nn16/w0lff4t3/Backgrounds/ahblueinsanity.jpg); border: solid #4aac86 2px; border-radius: 0px 50px 0px 50px;][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, border: solid #4aac86 2px; width: 415px; float: center; padding-right: 30px; padding-left: 30px; padding-bottom: 25px; padding-top: 45px;] THE TAGGED FEW:: Gwen <3 /// CHECK THE THREADS Forks. What in the world of hell was in Forks anyway? It was the tiniest little pin prick of an abomination out there. Tristan didn’t understand it. Period. He honestly would’ve bet that the dang town would have been underwater by now with all the rain it got. Of course, no such luck for him. He had taken it upon himself to find the love of his life. His ‘mate’ as vampires called it. Tris wondered vaguely though if she really wasn’t his mate though. He couldn’t see why not. If he still loved her this much to follow her to the ends of the earth, then they must be mates. Secretly, he hoped so. Tristan knew though, after him leaving like he did, and with how he turned her… she would be furious with him. Part of him hoped she hadn’t held the grudge for this long. But knowing the way she was… he wasn’t going to be at all that lucky… He shoved his hands farther down in the pockets of his black leather jacket and kept his head down, golden eyes trained at the ground. He walked down the street of the small town. He knew he should be searching for her scent, or looking for a story to get some money. Neither was on his mind right now though. He’d only been here a couple days. Part of him just didn’t want to be let down again. After hundreds of dead ends, he couldn’t decide if he was ready to face another one. Tris just wanted to find her. His love, his best friend… his reason for even living this long. Well if you could call it living. He glanced up the street from under the edge of the black hood he had up, but still kept his head relatively low. The humans that were strange enough to be out on this crappy, rainy night kept passing him by. He could smell the scent of their blood as the passed. It was all Tristan could do to keep from taking one of them to drink. Tris had just recently turned what they called a vegetarian vampire, by just drinking animal blood, so he was still getting used to it. He didn’t understand why someone would torture themselves like this still. Human blood was just that much more enticing. But blood was blood. He heard that Gwen was one. So he figured he’d try. Stop taking human blood for a change. But even now, he slipped up a bit sometimes. Every time though he remembered the night her turned Gwen, the words she whispered. That memory was still as clear as day for him. Tristan was sure he was never going to let it go. He was still completely ashamed of himself for it. As he continued to walk, the rain suddenly started coming down harder. He let out a guttural growl under his breath. Instead of continuing to walk, he instead ducked into a small diner. He lowered his hood and glanced around. The place was fairly empty. A couple of stools off to the left at the small bar were taken, and only three booths along the opposite wall were occupied. The small sign at the door read “Feel Free to Seat Yourself!” and Tris immediately spied a shadowed booth in the farthest corner. Hopefully, he’d be pretty much left alone there. Keeping his golden eyes trained on his chosen booth, he made a beeline to it. He didn’t really care who else was in the diner, just that he was basically left alone. He really wasn’t in a people mood. If the waitress was cute though, maybe, just maybe, he would take her home. Reaching the booth, he sat down in the seat facing the wall. Tris sat still for a moment, too still to be normal, before he realized what he was doing. He then reached into the inside pocket of his leather jacket and pulled out a small, black leather bound book. He flipped it open, at the same time digging a pencil from the deep pockets of his blue jeans. Tris skimmed the couple of pages he’d already written on before settling on a brand new page. Taking the pencil up, he rested his hand near the top of the new page, racking his brain for something to write. His eyes landed on the black leather wrist cuff that he had worn since he was turned. Tristan was so deep in thought that he didn’t realize the waitress coming to take his order. ~:~ HOW MANY WORDS:: 762 ~:~ JUST A FEW NOTES:: he’s very anti-social tonight xD ~:~ STUCK IN MY HEAD:: Good Night~~ Gloriana

just like i wasn’t scared at all...

template by keisha~!

[GWENDOLYN LYRIC]

Ten minutes. That’s all she had left of her shift at this wonderful diner. Gwen watched each salt particle pour into the shaker. That’s all she had to do for the rest of her night shift. Just pour the salt and pepper into shakers, so they are ready for the morning crew. It was a tedious chore but she liked that she didn’t have any more tables to wait. Gwen wasn’t much of a people vampire. There were only few beings in the world Gwen could stand. Ironically they were all vampires, even though she hated her monstrous nature and really wasn’t fond of other beings like her. Well I guess you really can’t pick your friends. Then again one of her new friends she only met because she was the sister of another vampire that had forced her to go shopping. Yea, some friends those were. Though Gwen had a blast that day, but definitely wouldn’t say it out loud.

And then there was PJ, her new older brother. The reason she was in this small pitiful town, stuck at this ridiculous building the citizens called a diner. He thought his ‘true love’ was here. A shifter. Of course Gwen had repeatedly told her to give the woman up. She said this for two reason, one: they will probably never run into each other; and two: she was a shifter. It was nearly impossible for a vampire and shifter to have any romantic entanglement. Gwen was not a very romantic female. This was probably because the only man she ever fall in love with turned her and left her in utter confusion. And to make the situation worse she still felt the same love she held for him back then. Of course she never saw him since that faithful. The female vampire had mixed emotions about that. She really wanted to see him again but at the same time she was still furious at him. Absolutely furious. How could he just leave her like that?! Honestly, Gwen wouldn’t have an issue with the whole vampire thing if he stuck by. It was that he had the nerve to leave her right after sucking her dang blood. Taking a deep breath and trying to cool her hands down, Gwen had decided it was probably better if they never saw each other again.

She readjusted her leather gloves before turning her attention back to the salt particles. The beyond white salt particles, much like her beyond white skin. Thank god pale skin seemed to be the latest fashion in Forks. She seemed to blend in easily here. So maybe moving here wasn’t that bad. At least she didn’t have to be as stealthy like she was in their other homes. Gwen fastened the top on the last shaker she did just has the sound of the door opening. Seriously?! She had ten more minutes. The female vampire glanced to her right to see if her reliever was clocked in. And of course the red head was too busy messing with her freaking apron to clock in on time. She was working with idiots!! Gwen listened closely; the new costumer seemed to sit in the back corner…of her section. Glaring at her incompetent reliever, she set the salt shaker down and searched for her notepad. The red head finally looked up at her. “I’ll take the order but then I am clocking out,” she muttered, relatively sure the other girl heard her.

Not waiting for a response, Gwen inhaled deeply and then froze. The scent of a vampire shot up her nose. How did she not smell that before?! Probably because of the frying oil and grease she had smelled all day. If it were possible the veggie vamp would be high from all the fumes in this horrible place. Trying not to huff anymore strange smells, she turned her attention to the corner table. At the sight of the costumer, Gwen froze as her grip on the notepad tightened. ‘Are you kidding me?!’ she mentally screeched. There at that table was the man she hated and loved the most in this world. Tristan. The one who turned her and left her. The one she loved dearly but was completely curious at. Her anger began to build as the heat in her hands began to increase. Her nostrils flared as she tried to calm down. Count to ten that was her way of calming down. Only this time it wasn’t working.

She could do this one of three ways. Totally ignore him and pretend not to remember him, it has been a really long time since they saw each other. Or she could go up to him and tell him how she felt about everything. Or….Without realizing it Gwen had already worked her way to the table, and somehow her notepad had connected with his face. Somehow, she didn’t really know how. Though it probably went along the lines of her walking over and using the notepad as a weapon against his face; and somehow blacked out the whole event. But that was just a guess. Gwen was relatively sure she didn’t hurt him but she certainly got his attention now. If she didn’t already have it. Glaring at him, she heard herself growl, “you arse.”

[TRISTAN BLACKSTONE]

i should have kissed you...

[atrb=style, background-image: url(http://i300.photobucket.com/albums/nn16/w0lff4t3/Backgrounds/ahblueinsanity.jpg); border: solid #4aac86 2px; border-radius: 0px 50px 0px 50px;][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, border: solid #4aac86 2px; width: 415px; float: center; padding-right: 30px; padding-left: 30px; padding-bottom: 25px; padding-top: 45px;] THE TAGGED FEW:: Gwen <3 /// CHECK THE THREADS Tristan stared hard at the black leather cuff wrapped securely around his wrist. He had gotten it as a gift when he had turned 18. His oldest and best friend, Gwendolyn, had given it to him as a present. It was handmade, and had been a little bit of money, even for the time. On the inside of if she had craved her initials and his own. “So you can never claim you don’t know me,” she had always said. They had made it a big joke. Of course, that was when the loved each other secretly, when things were simple, and when they could just be together to be together. That was before she got engaged. Since Gwen’s dad thought she needed to be with someone of the same social status, Tristan was automatically thrown out of the race. That had been the most god awful day of his life. To watch the love of his life be with someone else and be happy to boot, it literally broke his heart in two every single day. Part of him had found himself secretly praying each night that Gwen’s sarcasm would drive this other guy away. Of course to no avail. Because then the announcement was made that they had been engaged. Nothing compared to the pain of that. At all. Not even the pain of turning wasn’t comparable to this. And then came his bite. He hadn’t meant to. He really didn’t, but between being happy to see her and his need for blood, he couldn’t control it any more. To be honest, the only thought in his mind that night had been trying to get her to run away with him, course that hadn’t turned out that well. When he changed her he thought that that could actually be an option then. But he knew Gwen. She would hate it. She would hate him and everything about her new life. That was why he left… But now that he wanted to find her again, everything was going to take that much more to fix. Of course his mind stopped, when the notepad connected with his face. “What the fuck was that for?!”

[/color] he practically yelled, holding his cheek where he had been slapped. It wasn’t so much that it hurt. He was a vampire for God’s sake. Tristan didn’t hurt. He turned a hard glare on the person that was idiot enough to cross with a vampire. But the sight of the woman standing in front of him made his blood run even colder than it already was. His glare dropped completely and the look of surprise washed over his face completely. “I might have deserved that…” he muttered, still looking at her in complete and utter shock. Here. Of all places, she was right here. Right under his nose. What other kind of reaction did he expect through from her?

He shoved his small notebook into his pocket and got up quickly in the same movement, and took her arm. She’d fight it, he knew that, but he held onto her and drug her pretty little butt right to the back room. Tris knew he wasn’t hurting her, again the whole vampire thing, but she did put up a pretty good fight. He led her into the back first, and shut the door behind them both. Tristan made it a point to stand in front of the door, knowing she would try to make a break for it otherwise. He looked at her, now that he was over his initial surprise. The flame in her eye that she had had for as long as he could remember still burned just as bright as they had. Actually probably more so, just because she was looking at him. “So what the hell was the slap for exactly?” As if he really needed to ask. He knew exactly. But he wanted her to get it all out. Tris needed her clam so that he could have just a prayer of getting through to her. Yeah, just a prayer. But that was all he needed. He sighed and looked away for a moment. Then he looked back at her and shrugged. “You’re looking good Gwen… you really are…”[/b] he said and smiled slightly at her. Just a stupid little half smile he knew used to drive her nuts. “I’ve missed you…” He didn’t know why he said it. But he did. That was just it. couldn’t take it back now. But Tristan needed her to know.
[/div]

~:~ HOW MANY WORDS:: 755
~:~ JUST A FEW NOTES:: aww =3
~:~ STUCK IN MY HEAD:: GOOD NIGHT~~ Gloriana

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just like i wasn’t scared at all...

template by keisha~!

[/center]

[GWENDOLYN LYRIC]

“Might have deserved it?” Gwen questioned as her glare intensified. There was no way she heard that correctly. Might? Might?! Oh, he definitely deserved that. And so much more. After the hell he put her through. All the heartache and loss, she was put through because of him. He’s lucky she didn’t just rip his head off then and there. Which was not actually a bad idea. If it wasn’t for all the human witnesses, Gwen would definitely have done that by now. Especially after that comment. Might have?! Was he clinically insane? Did his mother drop him on his head too many times?! Though Gwen shouldn’t have thought those awful things about his mother. She was a kind woman, and one of her favorite servants. After her mother died, his mother became like a surrogate to the girl. So of course it wasn’t the other woman’s fault. It was purely Tristan’s. Gwen had this theory that the reason God made men to test woman’s patience. To see how far females can truly be pushed, because Gwen didn’t see any other reason for the stupidity of them. They were just so aggravating, it drove Gwen insane! She was about to walk away when the other got to his feet and grabbed her arm. The female vampire looked at him incredulously. Excuse me?!

She opened her mouth to say something to him, but was cut off as he started to pull her into the back room. Gwen was surely not going to stand for this. She dug her feet into the ground and repeatedly smacked him in the back. The vampire was about to scream ‘rape’ but realized there was no point. Considering any help she would get would be in the form of a human, and none of them had the ability to take down a vampire. So the fight was all up to her and unfortunately she was tad unsuccessful. Before she knew it, she was alone in the back room with Tristan. The one man she wanted to both kiss and kill. It was a harsh life being an angry vampire. Gwendolyn just glared at him as he stood in front of the door. Damn him! To this day, he still knew her. Now to get anyway near the door she was going to have to get close to him. And quite frankly the few feet between them was as close as she wanted to get to him in this moment. If she wasn’t furious before, she was furious now. How dare he her drag her to the back room and trap her in there! She didn’t want to listen to him and there was nothing she wanted to say to him. Okay so that was lie. There were plenty of things Gwen wanted to say to him, but not at this exact moment. And not in the back room of her work place.

Once again the female vampire looked at him incredulously. The urge to rip his head off increased immensely. “Seriously?” Gwen asked looking at him like he was stupid. Her anger was starting to become uncontrollable. She really needed to get it under control before she burnt the building to the ground. Or before she burnt Tristan to a pile of ash. Which, thinking about it now, is something she should have tried before. Damn human witnesses! They ruin everything. How was it that she still felt love for this man but couldn’t stop thinking of ways to hurt him? Though Gwen knew hurting him would not make her happy in the end. She would feel guilt, shame, and all that other fun stuff that came with having a conscience. The female vampire looked at the ground and didn’t look back up at him until she was sure she had most of her anger under control. When she did, she folded her arms over her chest and just stared blankly at him. “It could have been for a number of things. Just take your pick, Tristan. We both know how you love to make decisions without considering anybody else’s feelings.” Her tone was cold and harsh, just like her words.

Honestly the female vampire didn’t really realize how angry she was at him until now. She just thought she was mild mad at him, it had been two hundred years, give or take a few years, since it happened. But she was still pissed! Gwen knew why too. She just didn’t want to admit it to herself. She was still in love with Tristan, always was. It wasn’t the bite that she was mad about, it was the fact that he left her. He was the one person she thought she could rely on. And in her most desperate hour, when she needed her best friend, he wasn’t there. Not to mention it was his fault she was in that situation too. Gwendolyn couldn’t stop playing those few days over and over in her head right now. She had blocked them out for so long, but now they were back. And more powerful than ever before. Tristan’s voice brought her back to reality, unfortunately not to a calm place. “Oh shut up, you moron,” Gwen spat at him when he commented on her looks.

Gwen noticed that he was doing THAT smile. The smile that always made her weak in the knees and would drive her nuts. It was maddening! His next sentence caught her off guard. “Well then you shouldn’t have left me,” she stated as a matter of fact. Gwen opened her mouth to yell once more, but something caught her eye. The leather band on his wrist. It was the same one she gave him, the handmade one she bought and carved their initials into. “So you can never claim you don’t know me,” Gwen whispered almost inaudibly to herself. The female vampire stared hard at the band for a few seconds and then glanced up at the male. He kept it. But he left her. It didn’t make sense. He kept the band because he cared about her, right? That’s why he wore it when they were humans, so he claimed. But if he cared about her then why did he leave? Why did he turn her into a beast and leave if he cared? So many wild emotions were running through Gwen, she didn’t know how she felt anymore. She didn’t know how to react or what to do.

Titling her head slightly, Gwen’s face went blank once more. Her eyes went from the band to his face back to the band and then once more to his face. She slowly straightened up as her emotions continued to run wild. It was there were little people inside of her trying to organize her feelings and find the perfect reaction to everything. “I think we’re done here,” Gwen stated in a monotone voice. She regretted the moment the words came out of her mouth but they seemed to be the only things her body would allow her to say. She moved towards the door, towards him. Gwen paused when she was a couple inches away from him. All she had to do was get passed him to get to the door. But his smell, his body, the band, the closeness of their two bodies. If it were at all possible her heart would be beating rapidly. If this was back when they were humans, Gwen would have loved this moment. To be alone with him in a back room. Just them. Nobody else in the world, no rules, or classes. But things were different now. There was a part of her that didn’t want to leave. A part of her that wanted him to keep her there. The same part that just wanted to grab him and kiss him. But things just don’t work out like that in the real world. At least not in Gwen’s world.

[TRISTAN BLACKSTONE]

i should have kissed you...

[atrb=style, background-image: url(http://i300.photobucket.com/albums/nn16/w0lff4t3/Backgrounds/ahblueinsanity.jpg); border: solid #4aac86 2px; border-radius: 0px 50px 0px 50px;][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, border: solid #4aac86 2px; width: 415px; float: center; padding-right: 30px; padding-left: 30px; padding-bottom: 25px; padding-top: 45px;] THE TAGGED FEW:: Gwen <3 /// CHECK THE THREADS The entire trip (though it was relatively short) was a hassle. Tristan wasn’t honestly surprised in the slightest. Why would she just walk with him? There was no reason at all for her to do such a thing. So the pounding of her fists on his back was quite expected. It really didn’t take much for him to hang onto her though. Generally, Tris hated playing the gender card. But this was one case where he was certainly happy it was in his favor. Of course, given Gwen’s reaction, he didn’t think she felt the same way. But it was all he could do to refrain himself from kissing her right there in the middle of the diner. Then again that would probably be classified as sexual harassment, and then Tris would have to break out of jail… and that would have just been a major pain in the ass. Instead, Tris managed to drag Gwen kicking and screaming all the way to the back room. At least there they’d have a little bit of privacy to talk. Tristan knew that his question was stupid. But he needed to get it out of her. He knew she was pissed. Hell, why wouldn’t she be? He just up and left her right after the biggest change of her life. When she was in the most need of someone to help her (even though she would’ve never admitted it). Tristan just abandoned her. He was never going to forgive himself for that. Especially with the way she was looking at him. So much hatred. It literally killed him to see what he had done. He rolled his eyes at her words though, even though he knew they were true. “I’m sorry okay! What do you want me to say? Shit, Gwen, did you even read the letter I left?” he asked, almost as if that would explain it all. Course, he knew it wouldn’t. But it was worth it. “The thirst took over Gwen, you should understand that now. I didn’t mean to. I came back to you that night because I wanted to see you… I wanted you to come away with me. Not for just myself, but for the both of us!”

[/color] He was trying his hardest, but the fact that she didn’t get that much bothered the hell out of him.

He took a breath, though it wasn’t needed for him, to try and settle himself. The anger toward him was warranted. He knew that much. But he really couldn’t help the mention of her looks. Tristan chuckled slightly at her short retort. If it wasn’t for the anger in her voice it would’ve been like old times. They often went back and forth at each other back when they were kids. Even as much as they loved each other, their sarcastic hard-headed attitudes often clashed with each other. It happened. Tris was kind of over it, even though he missed those times. It wasn’t even the fact that he missed her as his love. Well that was it, but only partially. Most of it was that he just missed his best friend. He had never thought that he would have to go without her, but then he was an idiot and screwed it all up. He raised a hand to brush his fingers through his short hair.

As he made the moment, he noticed her eyes had caught sight of something. The band on his wrist. Then he knew he was right as she whispered what she had told them all those years ago. Tristan fought back a smile. He kept it because it was the only shred of her, the only thing that he could use as a tangible memory. That was all he needed. And now that she saw it, this was hopefully going to get a little bit easier. All he needed to do was explain himself, put himself out there. But he was a guy, so that was a huge task in and of itself. Well it was worth a shot. Tristan watched he carefully as he turned away, and though for a moment she was going to just flat out attack him to get him out of her way. But he watched as her eyes flicked between the leather band and his face. Her words were cool, and seemed to be totally dead. So seeing the band really put her in a tail spin. Good.

As she moved near him, Tris didn’t dare move. He thought about his options for a moment. Only a second or two. He decided to throw everything out the window in the moment. He didn’t care anymore and all he wanted was her. He grabbed her around the waist, and twist his and her bodies around to pin her to the wall beside the door. “I don’t think we are Gwen,”[/b] he retorted, a small smirk slipping across his lips. Tristan leaned in, his voice low and rough. “Please Gwendolyn, just let me explain myself,” he whispered in her ear. “Just hear me out…”[/b] All he wanted was that. To explain himself, make her understand, make sure she knew how much he still loved her. Tristan’s only hope was that she would realize what he meant, how he felt, and she would understand. Though he knew how hard it was going to be to get her to understand that one. He looked longingly at her, then leaned in and placed his cold marble lips on hers. The kiss was wonderful, and spark every little ounce of fight back in him. He wasn’t about to let her go without a fight. Pulling back, he looked at her sadly again. “Please, just listen okay?” he asked quietly. There wasn’t anything he wanted more in this life or the next or the rest of eternity for that matter. Now he was just praying that she, for just once, would let him spill his heart. He was ready to. Hopefully she was ready to hear it.
[/div]

~:~ HOW MANY WORDS:: 1,004
~:~ JUST A FEW NOTES:: TRIS! <3 he's adorable x3
~:~ STUCK IN MY HEAD:: GOOD NIGHT~~ Gloriana

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just like i wasn’t scared at all...

template by keisha~!

[/center]

[GWENDOLYN LYRIC]

Gwen wasn’t sure how to process the whole thing. She thought her undead heart was going to burst through her cold chest. Like at any moment it would start beating again. She would be a living human again; they would be back home in London. Everything would fall into place and the two of them would go back to the way everything had been. But as a cold reminder to how that wasn’t possible, her heart sat in her chest. A useless organ at this point. Gwen couldn’t be human again; there was no cure to vampirism. There was nothing to erase her condition and Tristan’s. Nothing that could make everything fall into place. Make everything perfect again. Make her brother happy with his mate and her with hers. There was nothing in this world with that kind of power. Nothing that at all. Nothing to erase the last 200 years, the memories. Those things that stayed in her mind that reminded her every day of who she was and what everything meant to her. What the people in her life meant to her. PJ, Rose…her friends. Her family.

No, as much as Gwen would want to be human she would never want all of that erased from her mind. PJ was her brother and best friend, he got her through every little up and down she went through. There’s nothing about that that she would want to change. Rose, her new vampire friend. How much it meant to Gwen to know that she wasn’t the only one that loathed being a vampire, how much it meant to have a real friend. Someone she could finally rely on. No. Her past, her memories. It made Gwen who she was today. Granted, she wasn’t the best company to keep and certainly made enemies almost daily. But she was who she was. Despite her bleak outlook on most things, Gwen did have fun after everything. She went places she could have never gone to as a human. Met the people she would have never met. Did the things she would have never done, or should have never done. Gwen was living. Maybe not in the ideal way. And not in the way she expected, but she was living. And that was thanks to the idiot standing in front of her. If it wasn’t for him, Gwen would be in a loveless marriage. A little part of her was grateful for what he did. But it was so small that she still could not bring herself to move past the bigger problem. It could not bring herself to forgive him that easily. Not in this lifetime and not in the next. Why couldn’t Tristan just see that?

The letter. Gwendolyn should have known that would come back to bite her in the ass. Maybe if he stayed long enough he would know about her power and how uncontrollable it was for her. How scared she was when she realized she was burning everything around her and couldn’t make it stop. “There’s nothing you can say Tristan! What’s done is done.” She complete skated over the letter part. Gwen really didn’t want to explain what happened after he left. She lived it once, she really didn’t want to live it again. The female vampire did want to read the letter, she really did. But didn’t get the chance. Her emotions got the better of her and her power. Her power that she was clearly not aware of until her hand burned the letter almost instantly. Maybe if she had read it, her feelings would have been different. No probably not. It still didn’t change the fact that he left. There was no way around it. Why was he being so stubborn about the whole thing?! It was maddening! Even when they were humans, Gwen and Tristan butted heads because of their personalities and their stubbornness. It drove both of them nuts how stubborn they were. And surely it was driving him nuts knowing that that part of her did not change a bit.

“I am perfectly clear on how thirsty we can get,” Gwen stated venom in every word. “None of that makes sense Tristan! You wanted me to go with you, yet you left.” Damn it she really should have read that letter. Maybe if she did they would be able to skate over this entire argument. “I don’t care that you turned me. I mad because I had to wake up an empty apartment. I had to find my way home, alone. When I got there they were having my funeral, my father thought I was dead and my best friend wasn’t there to help me process any of it. That’s why I am so mad that just looking at you pisses me off.” Was she being harsh? Uh, yea! But it was the truth. Gwen knew Tristan had gone through the same transition as she did. She didn’t know how he was turned, that part was still a little confusing to her. Considering the boy never got to explain that one because he was too busy draining her of blood. But yanno, things happen. At least if he stayed they would have each other to figure the whole damn thing out. They would discover things together. They would never be alone. But no, that’s not how it turned out.

Gwen inhaled an unneeded breath. She was on a roll, truly on a roll here. And if someone didn’t stop her, she was surely going to do or say something that would haunt her for the rest of her life. For the love of God, where were her coworkers? Wasn’t it a little odd that a stranger dragged her into the back? It wasn’t like Gwen was quiet about the journey. And wouldn’t her coworkers need to use the back room eventually. Or were they too scared? They probably just thought Gwen was having sex with the man and didn’t want to bother her. After all most of them thought she needed to get laid anyways. Standing this close to Tristan, Gwen shouldn’t really be thinking about sex. It made it harder to concentrate on her anger and all of her emotions. Made it harder to stay focused on her goal of getting out of that place. Her goal of getting as far away from him as possible. Surely PJ would be willing to move for her. She had moved around the world for him, the least he could do was move for her. Then again he was looking from his mate and nothing would deter him from that. Gwen was truly in a jam and once again she found herself alone. And the situation only worsened at what happened next.

Within second his arms were around her waist and then suddenly she was pinned against a wall. What?! Excuse me?! She opened her mouth to express the profanities that flew through her head but stopped when he leaned in and whispered her full name. Damn him! Damn him! Damn him! And then it was like everything came crashing down. His lips were hers. The kiss itself was absolutely amazing, Gwen felt her emotions burst and everything she wanted to do to him and everything she wanted no longer matter. It was like she was whole for a moment. Just a moment. Once his lips were gone harsh reality came crashing down. And where there was joy was now anger. Pure and relentless anger. She wanted that moment back but she wanted to kill him as well. Was that possible? Gwen looked at him square in the eyes. “Okay, five minutes,” Gwen whispered and then stood up straighter, “but first there’s something I have to do.” Not fully thinking it through, the brunette grabbed his shirt and yanked him towards hers. Their lips once again connected. There was more passion in her lips then she thought there would be. But once again she was whole again and it didn’t matter. Gwen knew better however.

In one smooth move, she broke the kiss, twisted their bodies, and slammed (yes slammed) him against the walls. The rage was very much clear in her eyes as she evilly smirked at him. “You pull a stunt like that again and I will rip your balls off.” She said it in a dead calm tone, one that usually scared the crap out of PJ. Letting go of his shirt, she stood up straight and crossed her arms over her chest. “You have five minutes, make it good.” Surprisingly that kiss didn’t break her, it just made her stronger. Made her head very clear on what she should be feeling and how she should be acting. As much as she was to have her sexual way with him, she was not going to give in. She would hear him out, but Gwen was not promising anything after that. She was in control not him.

[TRISTAN BLACKSTONE]

i should have kissed you...

[atrb=style, background-image: url(http://i300.photobucket.com/albums/nn16/w0lff4t3/Backgrounds/ahblueinsanity.jpg); border: solid #4aac86 2px; border-radius: 0px 50px 0px 50px;][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, border: solid #4aac86 2px; width: 415px; float: center; padding-right: 30px; padding-left: 30px; padding-bottom: 25px; padding-top: 45px;] THE TAGGED FEW:: Gwen <3 /// CHECK THE THREADS Tristan’ s heart hurt. Actually physically hurt. Could that even happen? He was basically dead. His heart didn’t need to beat, he didn’t need to breathe. It was only out of habit that he performed the latter on a day by day basis. His mind just told him he needed to, even though, really, he knew he didn’t have to. The simple human mechanics, the remembrance of lives once lived… that’s all it was. Something that you had to live with, and either chose to let go of and become stronger or let it tie you down and keep you stranded in the middle of an sea of possibilities without the means to take advantage of them. Tristan had chosen to let go of those things… sure he did it because it was ‘normal’, but he knew he had to leave what used to be normal as a human in order to find the normal for a vampire. But this pain without source… it was a very human emotion. Scary, in fact for Tris, who had become so used to the detachment from anything that really resembled human life. He didn’t understand how it happened or why it did… He just knew that the source was Gwen. Looking at her, smelling her, touching her. This pain was his regret. Was everything he’d ever done since he turned her. He didn’t know how long her could bare it, but he had to try. It was worth it to at least do that… she was worth that. He knew much to his regret that she was going to put up a fight. She was just so damn stubborn. And she had a right to it too he guessed. But what about the letter? That was the one thing Tristan just didn’t understand. If she had read the letter how could she be that pissed? That note had to be at least four pages long… if memory served him correct, which more often than not it did. Tris had written everything down in that letter. Sure she would still be a bit ticked about him leaving. But not like this. He wanted to know why. And he would be damned if he wasn’t going to get an answer by the end of the night for it too. He looked solemnly at Gwen. “I know. The past can’t be rewritten I know! But your future can!”

[/color] he said, voice leveling in frustration. That was the one thing about Tristan. Unless he was pushed to the breaking point, his temper would remain even. Of course though with Gwen, he was utterly lost as to how long that would last. “If you had read the letter, then what did it say, Gwendolyn? Huh? Did you really read it or did you let your imagination get the better of you? Thinking up that I left for my own selfish reasons?”[/color] His voice was creepily even, even though it had a razor sharp edge and an implication that could kill. Tris knew though it needed to be pushed with Gwen. She wouldn’t tell him flat out what had happened. He had to corner her to.

Rolling his eyes he looked away for a moment. He ignored the pure acid in her words and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was trying so desperately to keep everything from spinning out of control. Tristan waited until she was done to look at her. This time though, his eyes held nothing more than pity. He surprisingly wasn’t angered by any of what she said. In fact, none of it really fazed him at all. It was harsh, and it should have stung with the tones she used but it didn’t. He understood something else though now. “You just don’t get it…”[/color] he murmured, sorrow leaking into his words. He was done with the anger. Done with the frustration. He didn’t know what made him mind stagger more. The way she thought about it or his realization that she probably hadn’t read what he wrote… what he almost couldn’t write… what he knew he had to and started and restarted and restarted again, never finding words that would give his note, his life, justice. Both were quiet the shot. A lot more then she could’ve done just on her own. For a moment, he was unsure of whether to even try or not. But that was only for the slightest of seconds. Tristan knew he wanted Gwen more than anything in the world. All her feelings for him aside, he was going to win her back, even if he had to die trying.

He couldn’t believe his split second decision to kiss her. Tris definitely didn’t think that one through in the slightest. It would come back to bite him in the ass, he knew that well especially in dealing with Gwen. But on the other hand it seemed to be his best (and probably only) option. She wouldn’t listen to him; he was going to make her. This was the sure fire way to get her complete and undivided attention. He would deal with her retaliation later. He knew there would be one. Just when and how he was completely unsure of. But there would certainly be one. Of course, just for the sheer feeling of kissing her again, he would happily deal with that one hundred times over. For the first time in twenty decades, Tristan felt whole. There was no longer a hole in his chest, and he felt so alive that he expected his heart to wake up and start beating again at any moment. But as he pulled back all of that changed. Her voice was too comfortable and too gentle. He knew well what was going to come next.

Her kiss was once again magic. Enough to the point he once again expected his hear to start thumping wildly in his chest. No matter how hard this confrontation was, how large of a toll this took on them both, Tristan knew he would never be able to control this feeling while around her. Of course he was waiting for the other foot to fall. Which it did. Shortly after. The minute she moved, Tris just knew he was going to get it. Part of him was somewhat surprised that she had gotten back at him so quickly, the other figured it was better now than looking over his shoulder for the next few days. His head cracked back against the wall with a sickening crack. It was a hit that would have made any human pass out right then and there. Too bad for Gwen he was a vampire and that just didn’t happen. He looked down at her smirk, waiting , bidding his time. He didn’t speak at her words just shrugged. Her voice wasn’t about to faze him. Tristan wasn’t, couldn’t bring himself to be, afraid of her. As she took a step back and finally let go of his shirt, he reached up and straightened out the wrinkles she had made. “Alright fine…”[/color] he answered, without looking at her. “Five minutes is all I need.”[/color]

It was the slightest of seconds and the most minute of movements. With the lightening speed that was characteristic of a vampire, Tristan’s hand shot out, and grabbed Gwen’s arm once again. He pushed her back against the wall, using both of his hands to hold her wrists in place against the wall, and using the rest of his body pressed against her’s, making sure at the same time he was positioned just right so that she wouldn’t be able to manage a kick to his groin. Making sure that she was pinned down and didn’t have the leverage to make him move he grinned down at her. “You must forget, Gwen... though we are both vampires, I am still male and still stronger than you. This is just like the old days when we fought, isn’t it?”[/color] he said. He conveniently left out the fact that he had recently changed his diet, so he was still strong from the human blood. The grin slowly turned into a smirk and he added his favorite old line from when they did this in their human days, “Who’s in control now?”[/color] He let the words sink in for a moment. The way he had her pinned would force her to listen, no matter how long it took. Of course, afterwards, if she was still pissed as hell at him for this (which was realistic), he would have to move like a mad man to stay out of her reach. He knew that but for right now this was his best bet.

Sighing and shaking his head at her for a moment, Tristan couldn’t help but stare in her eyes. The rage, anger, hatred… those just happened to be the brightest flame there. It disappointed him. Tris had thought she would at least have been a little happy to see him. Of course, she was probably more pissed than ever in this moment, but still… Tristan kept the full weight of his body pressed against her, sandwiching her between himself and the wall. He sucked in a deep breath. “Two days before your wedding, I left. Do you remember?”[/color] he started, his voice already shallow and broken. He didn’t know how well this would work. But it was his only shot. “I left because I was selfish, Gwen, because I couldn’t bring myself to watch you marry and be happy with some other guy. I loved you then just as much as I do now, that never changed. I got drunk that night, and a woman, some temptress, tried to convince me to leave with her. I admit, I did. I thought that maybe I could use it to try to get over you. Before anything happened, I told her I couldn’t, that I had someone I loved. She wouldn’t have that. She bit me and turned me. I woke up and the thirst was nearly unbearable. I was terrified. And I needed to see you…”[/color] He hesitated for a moment. The next part was going to be worse. Much, much worse. But he had to get it done and over with.

“When I got there, the thirst was worse. You were so… gentle and confused as to my predicament. I truly did not intend to harm you the way I did when you hugged me. The pure temptation was overbearing and I admit I had to succumb before I did anything else. The worst part was that I wasn’t going to stop at first. Not until you managed to speak. That’s what stopped me. But by the time I regained sense, you had already passed out, and I couldn’t leave you in your home alone so I brought you back to my place. You were out for a few days and in that time I had plenty of opportunities to think about what I had done to you. I had robbed you of the one thing you loved above all else. Your life. I didn’t know what else to do... so I left…” [/color]he said, sorrow clear in his voice as he watched Gwen’s face. He didn’t know how she would react to all this. Or even how she would react to this next part.

Sucking in a deep breath, he closed his eyes before continuing. “Before leaving, I wrote that note for you. I couldn’t tell you how many times I had to start over. I had apologized a hundred times for turning you. For not being able to control myself. I said how much I regretted taking away your life. That you deserved better than some selfish prick like me. How I originally hadn’t meant to turn you… then the thought had jumped to us being together. I said I figured you would hate me to the core, for doing this to you, for taking away everything that you held so dear… I couldn’t live with myself. And I didn’t know if you would have been able to either…”[/color] Tristan said, his voice completely defeated and crushed. “I had said that I was going to head toward Italy. Maybe find others like us on the way, and if you had ever found it in your heart to forgive me… you could come and join me there. It wasn’t specific, but I had faith you would have found me at some point…”[/color]

Looking down at her face again, Tristan sighed. He let go of her wrists, and took a few steps back. He shoved his hands in his pockets. Getting it all out, it didn’t help. It just made him all the more prepared for what was possibly to come… revenge for pinning her to a wall. He didn’t care. He shrugged and looked at the ground. “You never showed. And I thought you had forgotten all about me… so I set out to find you instead…”[/color] Tristan shrugged. “Love me or hate me… I am here now…”[/color] He didn’t look back up at Gwen. He was afraid of what he would see. More hate… more anger… maybe even nothing… he kept on looking at the ground waiting for her to say something. Hoping… praying… that he hadn’t put destroyed any chance he may have had with her now.
[/div]

~:~ HOW MANY WORDS:: 2,231
~:~ JUST A FEW NOTES:: ...*keels over from writing massive post in an hour and a half*
~:~ STUCK IN MY HEAD:: GOOD NIGHT~~ Gloriana

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just like i wasn’t scared at all...

template by keisha~!

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[GWENDOLYN LYRIC]

“My future was pretty damn predictable before you showed up,” Gwen muttered angrily under her breathe. Knowing very well that he could hear her. But it was true. She was going to be living with PJ, until he found the love of his life. Then she was going to be off on her own. She was being realistic obviously. A shifter would not want her vampire boyfriend’s vampire sister leaving with them. Let’s be honest here. So Gwen knew that at some point in her life she was going to end up completely alone. She came to terms with this a long time ago. Even though it wasn’t a happy outlook on life, it was her outlook. And now it was all up in the air thanks to this fool! Well actually it was all up in the air because of that Blake fool. But that’s beside the point!! She felt nervousness and anger swell in her as he continuously pushed about that damn letter. “I didn’t read the letter!” She screamed out finally with a huff. Suddenly Gwen felt much deflated. Like that one sentence just sucked the energy right out of her.

Gwen bit her bottom lip. Even though she was pissed at Tristan and she wanted nothing more than to continuously slap him across the face. It still broke her heart to hurt him. She wasn’t going to acknowledge it though. Gwen wasn’t going to let her guilt from beating the crap out of him. But it was just too much at the moment. Clearly that damn letter meant so much to Tristan. “I burnt the letter. I have an extra gift. I couldn’t control it, I was upset…and the letter burned before I could even open it.” Gwen explained it with a dead tone. Tristan may be a bit confused over what her power would be. But it was pretty obvious it had something to do with fire. It was yet another thing Gwen was pissed about. Along with the letter, the apartment burnt down around her due to her power. Her emotions were just running wild and unfortunately her gift was tied to her emotions. It was out of control. It took a lot of work to get it focused just in her hands and to control her emotions. But in the current situation, it may all be a hopeless thing. She may just accidentally burn the diner down. That would suck, big time.

“Exactly. I don’t understand what the hell is going on!” Gwen paused and then added without thinking. “And maybe I don’t want to.” Crap. That was not supposed to come out. That was supposed to stay in the brain. The tiny tiny brain that she has. It was supposed to stay in there. Gwen knew she was being very stubborn. And maybe it was because she didn’t want to understand him. Didn’t want to understand what was going on between them. Because maybe she would have to face the cold hard facts. If they were really mates she would have an easier time with this. She would be swooning at the mere sight of him. And she was. But it wasn’t enough to deter her from her anger. And if he was her true mate shouldn’t is distracted her? Maybe she was fighting him because she didn’t want to come to the realization that he may love her more than she loves him. Or the fact that she has been mad over a broken heart that was more broken in her mind than in her actual heart.

Gwen had to come to terms with something. Whether it would break Tristan’s heart or not. But for herself, she had to come to terms with something. Whether it is that she’s his mate or someone else’s. A pair of red eyes flashed in her head, along with a very sex-driven memory of the forest. Regardless of whatever she decides, Gwen also realized that she would have to tell Tristan that there may be someone else. He came all this way to find her and win her back. When it turns out that she might not even be his to win. Gwen couldn’t believe she had come to this. It was unbelievable. Her whole vampire life she has lived with one truth, one thing that drove her to do the things she does. It was that her mate broke her heart. Now it turns out that, yes Gwen is very much in love with Tristan and yes, he broke her heart. But he may not even be her mate. In just one instance everything Gwen has known was just shattered.

And once again the physical tables had turned. Damn it. Gwen felt her back hit the wall once more. Tristan had her arms pinned above her and his body was against hers once more. One thing was for sure, her hormones surely wanted Tristan more than ever before. Maybe it was because she never had him and it’s been so long since they had any physical contact. “Yea, and just like back then I want to rip your throat out…” She stated it with a mocking playful tone. Yes even back then when they fought, she lost more times than she won. And every time she lost she wanted to kill him. But right now, Gwen was just looking at him hungrily. It was either her emotions or hormones that would control this situation. Either way, it didn’t really look good for the diner in the long run. “You may have the physical upper hand, Trist,” she spat his name and then added, “but it’s my words that will dictate how this will go, remember.” It was true. Yea he was a guy and had the physical upper hand. But if she remembers correctly, he was the one asking for her forgiveness. For her love. So she definitely had the control there, he needed to realize that.

Was she angry? Hell yea, Gwen was angry but what else was new? Right now she was hungry. Not hungry, as in she was blood. Hungry as in she wanted Tristan and having his body on hers was not helping that at all. She could smell that Tristan scent. Something she has missed. Gwen blinked quickly for a few seconds before finally focusing on the words coming out of his mouth. She felt her mind travel back hundreds of years ago. Her wedding. She never actually got to see it and suddenly her rage became unbearable once more. She remembered her dress, the venue. How happy her father was. How her fiancé proposed to her. How uncharacteristically excited she was. The only thing that was missing was her best friend. He did leave her before it all went down. She should have known then that he would never really be there for her. But Gwen was just a glutton for punishment. She sucked in a breath when he paused. The woman knew the terror that he went through, she went through it herself. Which is why it was still confusing that he would leave her, knowing how that felt.

Once again, Gwen’s mind flashed back to that moment he was talking about. Her heart broke remembering that moment. Remembering how torn up Tristan looked, how much she wanted to help. Even though they didn’t talk for a really long time, Gwen knew she was still in love with him. That’s why she hugged him because she didn’t know what else to do. The woman remembered it all. Remembered the pain of the bite. The fear of her life being taken away. The love she still and will most likely always bear for Tristan. The fact that Gwen was happy to die if it meant being in his arms one last time. God, she was such a twisted little girl. Tristan took another pause, and all Gwen wanted to do was smack the shit out of him. There was something she loved more than her life, and it was him. He was an idiot for not knowing that. Gwen always put others before her. He should have known that her life meant close to nothing to her without him in it. And there it was. That damn letter again. The female vampire felt her eyes stink with water at the sound of his voice. So he left her and expected her to find him? Because of some note he left?

Gwen felt her hands fall to her side once more. Forgotten him? How could she forget him? He was her best friend. The only person that knew everything about her. Knew her ins and outs. Forget him? Gwen wished she could forget him. She really really wished she could have forgotten him. Who knows maybe she would be off being happy with someone else. But he was always in her mind. Always in her mind at every moment of the day, except one time. When she was with Blake, she didn’t think about Tristan. Not once. But she didn’t forget about him. “You’re an idiot,” Gwen stated in a blunt tone as she crossed her arms over her chest. “You’re an idiot for thinking that a simple written apology would make me forgive you for leaving me. You’re an idiot for leaving me in the first place. You’re an idiot for thinking that I would ever put my life before my love for you.” She felt the anger swell in her, ready to burst at any second. Gwen took a few steps forward and stared at him with hard eyes. “And you’re an idiot for thinking I could EVER forget you.” And with that, she grabbed his face and kissed him hard on the lips. Gwen didn’t know what happened between the beginning of this conversation and now. The female vampire didn’t know what she wanted or how she felt anymore.

Tristan had come for her. Had searched for her. And what did she do? Sleep with another vampire. Possibly fall in love with another vampire. God, everything was so screwed up. She pulled away and bit her lip. Before she could even think about it, Gwen blurted out, “I slept with someone else. And I may have feelings for them, you deserve to know.” Even after all the pain she’s been put through by this man. She owed him nothing, no explanation. No nothing. Her hormones could certainly not wait for him. But seeing the pain that he has also gone through and that he went to all the places she obviously went to, to find her. The least she could do is tell him the truth about her feelings. After all the pain, the anger, and the hurt. All Gwen wanted was her best friend back. Honestly, all the mate talk and love garbage. Gwen just wanted her best friend, that’s what she missed most. If these two could possibly recover from all of this, Gwen will figure out the rest along the way.

[TRISTAN BLACKSTONE]

i should have kissed you...

[atrb=style, background-image: url(http://i300.photobucket.com/albums/nn16/w0lff4t3/Backgrounds/ahblueinsanity.jpg); border: solid #4aac86 2px; border-radius: 0px 50px 0px 50px;][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, border: solid #4aac86 2px; width: 415px; float: center; padding-right: 30px; padding-left: 30px; padding-bottom: 25px; padding-top: 45px;] THE TAGGED FEW:: Gwen <3 /// CHECK THE THREADS Tristan snorted and rolled his eyes. Shaking his head he sighed and looked at Gwen. When was she ever going to learn? Ever going to just live? That may have been her one biggest flaw. All the same, Tris loved her. With every fiber of his being and he went and threw it all away. He knew that she really wanted him to hear, but you know, the whole vampire senses thing was more then he cared to admit sometimes. He let out a bitter laugh. “Predicable? Tch, fat chance. Life is never predictable, Gwen. You should understand that by now,”

[/color] he said seriously. “Life isn’t something you write yourself, it’s the paths written for you that you choose to follow.”[/color] He was even, knowledgeable, about his words. Tristan had lived them, over and over. He knew that there was nothing he knew better.

Looking at her, he just stared for a moment. Didn’t read it? Burnt it? For a moment, the world stopped rotating around him. “You what?”[/color] he asked slowly, daring himself not to believe what she had just said to him. He didn’t know what was going on all of a sudden. Tris felt like the floor had disappeared from beneath his feet. He was free falling into nothing. How should he feel about that? I mean really? And then again, what did that mean that he didn’t feel anything? Tris wasn’t entirely sure. But the first thought that came to mind, was definitely not a pretty thought, and he made it disappear almost instantaneously.

Almost was the key word though. The thought made his heart drop and gave him a sickening feeling. Maybe they just weren’t mates. Now that was a disturbing thought. At least to him it was. But maybe it wasn’t to her. Maybe she’d already figured it out. The single thought was worse than the original thought itself. Then it really hit him. She had a power? That was an excuse. “Seriously? That’s the best excuse you have?”[/color] he asked, and though he was angry, his voice remained deadly even. The calm before the storm as the saying went. And, as if to back him up, his power finally revealed itself, at least to her. He’d realized his power a long time ago… but rarely found it useful, though there were a few times it had literally saved his life. The shadows of the things in the back room shuddered violently for a moment, then grew and shrunk before shuddering again. She wasn’t some special case. There were plenty of vampires that had extra abilities, not a whole lot, but enough. And each of them were born without having any control over them.

He glowered at her. “You couldn’t control what? Your emotions?”[/color] he asked, voice still calm and smooth as silk. That was all it was too him. He didn’t have control over his power at first either. But he did have control of his emotions. That was how he stopped the shadows from mocking him in the first place. After that, the control came with practice. Then again, knowing Gwen, she’d never really had very good control over her emotions. And then her words cut into him like a knife. Maybe I don’t want to. That was it. She didn’t want him anymore. Fine. He knew that much. But she was going to know the pain anyway… and if that didn’t work, the shadows of his heart of hearts would be revealed much quicker than anything else here. They would be revealed much quicker than anything from Gwen herself. And he definitely wasn’t afraid to show her just what was down there.

In pinning her to the wall once more, he sneered at her. It was an evil look, unforgiving, and merciless. He snorted. “Please? You rip my head off? Fat chance,”[/color] he said quietly back. “You don’t have nearly as much word in this than you think,”[/color] Tris sneered right back. Please. Though she may have the hand in forgiving him, he always had the choice to walk away again. To, no matter what she choose, hand it all right back in her face. To break her heart again. It wasn’t a proud thought, and it was filled with more scorn than anything else. He knew his heart would truly drown in the same darkness he controlled. But that was truly the control. It was not a shame for him to ask forgiveness, for her to love him. For all she knew, it was to win her back. But what if it were just for closure? She had no idea it could be. Tristan would try to convince himself of the same if it came down to it. But that was the true control of the matter. And the world knew Gwen didn’t have that one in her pocket. He did.

All the same, he launched into his story. Long and sad as it was. The same story that he dwelled upon much during his ever lengthening life. It was a story of love and loss, joy and remorse. It was fairy tale and real life. Everything that shouldn’t be, but was. As the words poured from his mouth, they sounded surreal, like it was just a story and nothing more. But the meaning of the words, and the memories that came with each of them, were more than just a story. They were more than nearly anything else he held dear to him. They were his life, and they were what had made him the man standing in front of Gwen in this very moment. As he spoke, the anger in him subsided, more and more with each syllable that passed through his lips. Instead his feelings were replaced with sorrow and agony. The very same with which he lived almost all of his life.

At the end he just looked at the ground. He heard her words and shrugged at them. Felt nothing at them. Which scared him further. But all the same, he spoke. The words were bland and emotionless as they fell from his lips. “Yeah, apparently I am… fool enough to think you’d come… you’d understand…”[/color] he answered, and took a long moment before he looked up at Gwen, “And you’re an idiot to think I wouldn’t see what a coward you have been. Running from it all. I admit I ran for a time, yet I’m the one who came and found you…”[/color] Tristan was not expecting the kiss in the slightest. It through him off. But things were numb. All he felt was confusion. Maybe she really wasn’t his mate. Wasn’t he supposed to love her no matter what? Not contemplate walking away yet again just to prove a point. He knew he loved her… but maybe it wasn’t enough.

When she pulled away, he leaned his forehead against hers, looking into her eyes. Tris heard the words but nothing rose from him at first. Why would he be mad? Why should he? Not like he didn’t do the same. Though of course, he never had more feelings for anyone else other than a physical attraction. He pulled back and sighed. What else was he supposed to do really? “Well, I can’t say I blame you,”[/color] he answered, but didn’t elaborate anymore on the subject. He wasn’t going to. At least not yet. He knew he was holding off his feelings right now. That was going to be a bitch to deal with later. But that was when he would deal with all this… later. He looked at her and gave her a short but small smile. “Well, I can bet he ain’t nowhere near as hot as I am,”[/color] he answered, doing the best he could to make light of the situation. If nothing else, he may be able to get by with a friendship back intact.
[/div]

~:~ HOW MANY WORDS:: 1,315
~:~ JUST A FEW NOTES:: he's being difficult... sorry >_<
~:~ STUCK IN MY HEAD:: Good Night~~ Gloriana

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just like i wasn’t scared at all...

template by keisha~!

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[GWENDOLYN LYRIC]

“Well my ‘paths’ are pretty predictable, at least they were until you showed up!” Gwen exclaimed gesturing air quotes and dramatic waves with her hands and arms. What in the hell was he talking about? After two hundred years her life became pretty predictable. And she was blaming him for the change. A change that she wasn’t willing to embrace at the moment. To be honest Gwen had imagined what it would be like for her life to be shaken up, for Tristan to walk back into her life. On those rare occasions she had the time and energy to think about everything. To see him for the first time in so many years. All the hurt and anger that she had. Gwen had played this moment in her head a couple of times in her head. It would go a little like this, the yelling, the angry glares, the hurt eyes, and all the unexpected remarks from both of them. And each time she played it in her head, it ended with her walking away from him this time. Walking away from him for good. Saying all the things she has ever wanted to say to him and just walking away. Like yelling at him would be her final closure.

Anything after that would just lead to a predictable life. She would follow PJ to every place he wanted to go. They would be siblings and act like that. Then once PJ found Keisha, Gwen would leave. It’s not like she would have anything to keep her with him. Sure she would consider him a brother for the rest of eternity. But she wouldn’t live with him and his shifter girlfriend, that’s just weird. Plus it would be better for Gwen to leave them before they could leave her. Though maybe she wouldn’t even have the courage to do that. Knowing how much it hurt to be left by someone you loved, someone you thought you could trust. She couldn’t do that to PJ. Which is why she would tell him to keep in touch and all that good stuff. And she would do it in person, not in some stupid letter. Gwen would definitely have the balls to say goodbye to his face. A letter is just ridiculous. Which brings us to the part of the conversation Gwen really didn’t want to sit through.

That stupid letter. He was acting like it was his child or something. She didn’t kill a human being that he loved. She didn’t bite him and leave him. It was a letter of all the things he SHOULD have said to her face. All the things he should have said to her before leaving at least. Then again he was technically saying all of it to her face now and he it was getting him nowhere. Absolutely nowhere. They weren’t mates. It didn’t matter how much Gwen wanted to cling onto the fact that he might be her final. She knew it wasn’t possible. None of this would be happening. No matter how angry she got or how hurt she got, Gwen would forgive him wholeheartedly if he was her mate. Maybe not trust him at first. But definitely forgive him. But no her anger was bigger than her love for him, which was a sure fire sign that they really weren’t meant to be. An idea that she was shockingly not okay with,

“It’s the truth!” she screeched and then stopped. She took a deep breath and tried to reign in the urge to literally kill him. Like not figuratively anymore. No she literally was stopping herself from turning him into ash. And as if in on cue, shadows around the room were reacting to his emotions. He was trying to prove a point. A point that she didn’t even bring up. “I told you what happened to the letter; I never said I was the only one with a gift. I told you the truth. I was not using it as an excuse. I was telling you what happened when you left.” Her tone was deadly calm. “I had wanted to read that letter…more than anything I wanted to understand what was going on but it didn’t happen. So don’t sit here trying to prove a point that was never brought up to begin with.” It’s true she wasn’t using her power as an excuse as to why she didn’t read it. Gwen was just simply answering his question about his precious letter. The female vampire knew she wasn’t the only special case. She knew there were others like her out there. PJ was one of them, he had a power too. Gwen wasn’t looking for any sympathy or a way out. She was simply giving him the facts.

“Yes. Are you going to sit here and tell me that you had full control over your power when you first discovered it? You were able to turn it on and off at any moment right away?” That was one thing Gwen knew was the same about every special vampire. When you have a gift and you first learn about it, you have no control over it. Just like vampirism, newborns were extremely dangerous because they had no idea what they were doing. All they wanted was blood; they didn’t know how to control it. They didn’t know what to do with their strength right away. Same goes for powers. When you first get a power you are overwhelmed and probably scared of it. And slowly you learn to control it in your own special way. And then when you learn your powers were tied to your emotions, well that was a whole new battle in of itself. Especially for someone as emotional as Gwen is. The first fifty years of her vampire life, Gwen had denied all emotions. Or at least she tried to. It ended badly, of course. Can’t bottle all of this hostility in one little body and expect it not to explode. It just didn’t work like that.

Even now she had no control over her power. Sure Gwen had enough control to keep it to her hands, but she couldn’t touch anything with her bare hands. She had to wear special leather gloves for that. The gloves were the protection and control she used. Of course sometimes the gloves didn’t even work. Honestly the girl was shocked the building was still standing right. She was doing a remarkable job of controlling her powers, keeping them in one location on her body. But Tristan didn’t know any of this! He had no idea what measures she had to go through with her powers. His letter was not the only causality from her uncontrollable gift. “You have control over your powers now, I’m assuming, but you didn’t at first. Just like I didn’t. Just like I still don’t. Why do you think I wear these?” she questioned holding up her gloved hands. “They are not some silly fashion statement I want to make; I’m not that type of girl. I had no control over my NEW power right away, your letter burned. Your apartment burned. Half of the building burned, people got hurt. Just like how people get hurt when newborns first get thirsty and crave for blood. So don’t sit here and pretend like I’m being ridiculous because I couldn’t control my power right away.”

Tristan had no right to act like that. If he could tell her that he didn’t kill anyone when he was first turned, or bit someone, or hurt someone with his power on accident; then fine he can act like that all he wants. He would be a saint. A perfect vampire. But no being on this planet was perfect. No shifter, no vampire, no HUMAN was perfect. Gwen was no exception to that. Yes, she feels bad about burning the letter. But it’s not hard to comprehend how she lost control and burned it by accident. Just like how he couldn’t control his blood lust around her and bit her. He wasn’t a saint and neither was she. They both made mistakes. Mistakes that they can either live with for the rest or their lives or move on from it. That’s when it dawned on Gwen, they both made mistakes in this situation. And both of them were too stubborn to let it go. Did that mean there wasn’t any hope for a future friendship? Was this it? After all of that, was this the end of Tristan and Gwen?

“I’m a lot stronger than I look, believe me,” Gwen stated, it was a harmless threat really. She wasn’t actually going to rip his head off. No matter how angry she was and how frustrating the situation was getting. Lets get real for a second. Ripping his head off would really end things between them, not to mention she would potentially reveal her species to the humans that were just on the other side of the door. Actually it was a little shocking that none of her co-workers had walked back here yet, or the fact that nobody could hear any of this. It wasn’t like they were quietly talking out their problems. Gwen gave him a confused looked. She had a hell of a lot say in this situation if he wanted to win her back. But maybe he was thinking of leaving again? Maybe he changed his mind and decided to get some closure instead. She was too much, this was too much. Something inside of Gwen broke and the next thing she said came out in a child-like tone, “You’re thinking about leaving again.” The female vampire wasn’t stupid, she knew people. And she knew Tristan; he didn’t just say something like that with THAT tone and not have some significant meaning behind it. At least not the Tristan she used to know.

The kiss was the last sign to them not being mates. Gwen felt nothing. She was void of everything. The kiss was kind of just her last attempt to fix this situation. But she may have made it worse. The female vampire froze at his next words. Gwen did love Tristan, she loved him more than any better she’s ever loved before. But it wasn’t enough for her. “I can’t understand…I can’t pretend like I understand the fact that you left even though we are supposed to be mates. There’s a reason I can’t understand that…a reason I didn’t come.” The words were just coming out of her mouth before she could stop them. It was like some force took over Gwen’s body and decided to speak for her. But it had to be said. One of them had to say it. It was bound to be said. Why not have it come from her? She was already winning biggest bitch of the year award. Why not win the century award? Go for the long haul, just completely push away the one person in her life that means everything to her. It’s what she did best.

Tristan looked back up at her and spoke again. And just like that Gwen’s guilt over her previous statements disappeared. Apparently she wasn’t the only one competing for that award. “Run? That’s what you think I have been doing this whole time? Running from what? You? This?” She pointed to both of them. “Running from something that clearly is heading south rapidly. That’s not being cowardly, that’s being smart. That’s protecting myself.” Sure it was in everybody’s nature to run from the things that can hurt you. But that wasn’t from fear of the hurt, generally. Generally it was self-perseverance. To protect yourself from something you may not recover from. Something that could damage to you in more ways than one. If that’s cowardly…well then fine Gwen was a coward for wanting to protect herself. And then something else dawned on her, she wasn’t running from him during this time. How could she run from him when she had no idea that he was coming for her? Sure she had a little idea about it but… “You left Tristan, for all I knew I would never see you again. Technically I wasn’t running from you because I didn’t know if you were still out there or not.” Well it’s true. Two hundred years went by and not a peep about him. It’s not like Gwen didn’t keep her ears and eyes out for him. But again that was to protect herself not from fear of him and this.

Yea she could have also looked for him, she could have abandoned PJ and went after Tristan. But then what? They would be having this conversation earlier? Oh yea, because she really wanted to do that. Not to mention he really shouldn’t have expected her to come after him when she thought he wanted nothing to do with her. “You know what happened when you left? A slightly older vampire took me in, took care of me. Taught me what I was and how to control my thirst. He became like an older brother to me.” Gwen only said that to clarify that this wasn’t the vampire she had feeling for. “I followed him around the world, we protected each other. Were there for each other. Then he found his mate and I thought that was it between us. But then she left him and he, like you, went after her. But he gave me a choice before he left: to follow him or go on my own path.” Gwen paused, she was leaving out the gory details of killing humans and rejecting PJ’s offer at first. That was not that point she was trying to make. “I chose to follow him, because he needed someone there for him. He needed his friend, his sister there for him. I could have abandoned him in his time of need and went to go do whatever. Start another life, find you. But I didn’t. Because when you care about someone you don’t leave them when they need you. No matter how scared you are. No matter how mad they might be at you; because in the long run they will love you and be grateful for you being there for them. They will feel like you actually want them, that you actually care about them.” It was that simple to Gwen, it really was. Which is why no matter what excuses Tristan used she would never understand why he left in the first place. And the last line was kind of her sneaky way of telling him how she felt when he left. She wasn’t just angry, she felt unloved. Unwanted.

“For the last two hundred years, I wasn’t running from you, Tristan. I was doing something you didn’t. I was staying.” Sure Gwen had issues with trust and people because of what he did to her. But that was all he did to affect her. Anything else that had made Gwen, Gwen was everything in between that moment and this. All those nights she talked with PJ about their lost loves. All those nights she had fun with him, by just hanging out. Traveling to remote places, even though she complained about most of them. Moving to Forks, finding this job. Meeting Rose. Meeting Blake. All of that was because of the decisions she made, with little thought of Tristan. Obviously the girl thought about him but after the first fifty or so years, he stopped playing a role in the decisions she made in life. Gwen was Gwen because she decided it. Not him. Gwen wasn’t saying this to make Tristan mad; she was just proving a point. She didn’t want him to be mad anymore. The female vampire just wanted this to be over. Obviously they were too stubborn to see where the other was coming from. Obviously they had two different points of view about this. They weren’t going to budge or understand each other. Though Gwen was slowly starting to understand the hurt that Tristan went through. She understood his fear of everything, how much pain he’s been in. Gwen will just never understand why he left. Why he didn’t just stay? Was Gwen just that different from him?

Thinking about it now, would Gwen have stayed back then? If the roles were reversed would Gwen have left Tristan on his own? More than likely…no. Has hostile, angry, bitter as Gwen was…she was loving, caring, and righteous. She was strangely righteous. Not to mention Gwen would have been too scared of the guilt she would have to carry. That being said, they were on two different wave lengths. Again, they were two different people with different drives. But Tristan did come back for her, for whatever reason. He did look for her. Another thing that Gwen wouldn’t have done. If she left someone, which would go against her primary nature, she would never find them. She would be too scared of what they thought of her. She would let them live their life without her. So no matter which position they were in, Tristan and Gwen were not going to see eye to eye on this. Clearly. It was a situation that they could sit here and re-word their arguments for all eternity. But neither one of them will understand the other. Not truly. It wasn’t like they were bad people or anything. They were just stubborn, proud, and…hurt. “This is going nowhere…” Dramatic pause. “I’m sorry Tristan.” Gwen wasn’t sure why she apologized, she just did.

Oh yes, that kiss. Yea that wasn’t the only thing that was totally screwed about this next part. No the best was yet to come. Gwen paused and gave him a questioning look at his statements. It took a few minutes to realize that Tristan was attempting a joke to help that situation. Because clearly Gwen wasn’t. And when she did realize it was a joke…well she broke. Sure there were moments in the interaction that Gwen felt like pieces were being broken off. But this…this was her being shattered. The next thing Gwen knew, she was laughing. No giggle or chuckling. Like laughing. Like crashing the ROTFLcopter into LMAObuidling laughing. This was her officially broke and officially insane. Gwen fell to her knees, just laughing. She clutched her stomach and doubled over. The vampire couldn’t stop, she tried. She really did. And there were moments where she paused but then she would start up again. It was like she was high on every drug on the planet and drunk on foreign liquor.

“You…and…hot…and…” Gwen managed to utter before laughing again. Everything in the last couple of moments replayed in her head. Her spotting him at work, being dragged into the back room. All the words that were exchanged. Everything was being replayed in her head. And that only made her laugh harder. Gwen really couldn’t process what Tristan’s reaction to this might have been. She was actually in no position to process anything but the memories. The memories of this night. The memories of the last two hundred years. The night she was bit, the morning she woke up and saw her funeral. The burning of her letter. Gwen could feel her gloves get hot under her skin, something that only happened when her power was becoming too strong for the gloves. But again this only made her laugh harder. If that was at all possible at this point.

“Tristan…” Laugh. “I’m…” Laugh. “Sorry!” She screamed the last word and suddenly the laughter stopped. Gwen stared at the ground. What was that? What was this? What year was this? The heat under her gloves dissipated and they were back to their normal warm temperature. A small reminder that she could never take them off. Gwen sat there, numb. She felt nothing. She had stated earlier that she was numb during this, but that was just her ignoring her feelings. This. This was numb. She couldn’t feel her body. She couldn’t feel her hair on the back of her neck. She couldn’t feel her gloves on her hands. She felt nothing. It was like she finally let it go. All of it. Gwen had NEVER done anything like that in her entire life before. Not once had she reached THAT breaking point. The brunette let go of her stomach and leaned back on her knees. She stared at the floor with an intense confused look, like it was the hardest puzzle in the universe.

Finally Gwen dared to glance up at Tristan. And suddenly she could feel again. Gwen knew what she wanted now, knew what she needed to do. “I don’t want this anymore,” Gwen stated in a quite tone “I don’t want to feel like this anymore. This…this whole thing…” She looked back at the floor again. “I can’t do this anymore.” The female slowly got to her feet; she had to use the wall for support however. Apparently laughing like a clinically insane person takes its total on a body. Gwen’s eyes found Tristan’s wrist band. It took about a minute for Gwen to speak again and for her to look back up at Tristan’s eyes. “What happened to us, Tristan? I mean I know what happened but…what happened? It shouldn’t be this hard. Being mates, it shouldn’t be THIS hard. Everything that we have said and done.” Okay so yes it took her a minute to speak; I did not say she was going to speak clear and concise thoughts.

“Tristan, I love you. But I don’t love you.” Yes because that makes sense. “I want my best friend back. I know things can’t be like they were. After everything that has been said and done. Honestly, friendship is near impossible for normal people. But I want my friend back. I want to stopping hurting, I want to stop hurting you. I just…we aren’t mates. But at one point we were best friends. At one point we were in love. I still love you, and I will always love you no matter what happens after this. But we can’t…we’re not mates.” Gwen leaned against the wall and slid to the ground. Her eyes stared off into the distance; once again she looked like she was solving the hardest puzzle on the planet. The next question she was afraid to ask, because she was afraid of the answer. “Is this the end of us?” Gwen just stared off into space. She didn’t want to see his face. All Gwen wanted was Tristan to sit down next to her, put his arms around her, and tell her that it wasn't the end. Let her cuddle against his side and just sit there. Like they used to do when one of them was upset with the world. But was that too much to ask for? Could that even happen? Or was this it? Their final chapter?